Lydiatt House
July 11th 1853

I feel such a great sense of responsibility and am quite cross with my husband. He is no doubt sitting happily at his club conducting some business or other whilst I was plotting the destruction of a poor man’s hopes.

I waited in the Cornbench’s parlour all morning, having sent word to Jennet and that booby that I wished to speak with them. Mrs Cornbench hovered in the hall downstairs like a ghostly presence, appearing from nowhere at the slightest sound of footsteps on the drive, but pretended she was leaving me to my thoughts. I had no-one for company but her wretched dog – why anyone should choose to nuzzle such a vile creature I shall never know; at least Dauncey is clean – because Mr Cornbench had taken his whispery children on a pheasant shoot in the grounds. I amused myself by wondering how many of them would return to the house alive. I shouldn’t be surprised if no-one noticed one of them missing.

It was not until nearly midday that I saw from the window the betrothed couple making their way to the house. Jennet was wearing his best clothes, I expect, and his bride-to-be had clearly made an effort to impress me. She had on a sprigged muslin dress – appropriate material for the time of year, if a little showy for daytime – and was wearing a feathered hat. They must have walked quite some distance because her face seemed quite flushed and she looked as if she would like nothing more than a brief rest.

I stood back a step or two so they could not see me watch them approach.

I am no expert in affairs of the heart – despite having made a wondrous match myself – but I fancy I can recognise young love, even at a distance. Jennet was holding his intended by the elbow, guiding her up to the front steps. She wavered a little as she looked up at the house, no doubt overwhelmed by the stately frontage, such that Jennet reached to steady her. He bent his head towards her, appearing to whisper a word or two of encouragement. She gazed back at him as if seeing him for the first time and reached out to touch his cheek. I felt a little lurch of envy at that, I do not mind confessing.

She paused just before they rang the bell and she appeared to reached inside her cloak, looking for something. After a few seconds she produced a small glass bottle and held it aloft. Jennet said something sharply to her, at which she jumped and hid the bottle again within the folds of her cloak. In her desire to impress me, she had brought a gift which Jennet was anxious for her to keep concealed until the moment presented itself for her to give it to me.

The maid showed them in to the parlour and I could hear Mrs Cornbench sweeping about making sure everything was in order. They stood before me, Jennet still holding his bride steady as she attempted a curtsey.

“I expect you will be wondering why I have come from London in such a hurry to see you before your nuptials,” I said. They looked a little blankly, but nodded their agreement that they were unsure of the reason for my visit.

“Ma’am,” ventured Jennet, “I hope your journey has been pleasant at any rate.”

“It has been unremarkable thus far,” I answered, “but thank you for your concern.”

The girl tottered slightly as I spoke. Truly I believe she was so in awe of her surroundings she could hardly keep her attention in one place. Jennet gripped her arm more tightly and gave me a beseeching look. His discomfort was such that I decided I should dispense with any more pleasantries – I do not like to chit-chat with servants in any case.

“I have come to ascertain the reasons for your marriage.” I told them. “The news has been received in London with alarm in some quarters and I wish to find out for myself what exactly has brought it on.”

They both stared at me and then at each other. Bless them, they seemed so wrapped up in each other that I felt quite cruel. I wondered how Boo would have conducted herself in my position and concluded that she would have been businesslike and direct, so I said,

“Is this intended union absolutely necessary?”

“Necessary, ma’am?” said Jennet. “I am sorry, I do not understand your question.”

I looked at the girl, who was now quite faint. I have not seen many young women in a delicate condition but this was unmistakeable.

“Are you with child?” I asked her. She whimpered a little and seemed to slump against Jennet. He mopped her brow with his cap and turned back to me. She gathered her wits enough to smile a little, before whispering the words “Bill to become a father? How funny!” Jennet cleared his throat and stood forward a little.

“Ma’am, I have always worked hard for you and Mr Hatherwick, have I not? I pride myself on being a loyal and trustworthy servant. I hope that my service has never been questioned or needed to be. I have tended the grounds at the Hall for the last…..” He sounded exactly like Villiers did during the outburst that prompted this whole exchange in the first place. I held my hand up to stem his flow.

“Calm yourself, Jennet, for all our sakes. I am not commenting on your abilities as a groundsman. I merely want to find out why you are marrying this girl.” As I gestured towards her, she produced a sound which I can hardly describe outside the confines of a farmyard.

“I am marrying her because it is the right time for me to take a wife, Ma’am. There is not a man in the village who wishes to marry her as much as I do. Miss Everdown is the wife I must take.”

‘Must?’, what did he mean, ‘must’? “Miss Everdown’s father has been kind enough to allow me to have her hand in marriage. He has known me all my life and understands me better than any man.” She spluttered a little at hearing this and made to remove the bottle from her cloak to give to me, I fancied, but Jennet stopped her. “Her father is most insistent that I look after his precious daughter from now on.”

I remembered Josiah and his protestations to Papa all those years ago, when I had been hiding on the stairs listening to the man I loved persuading my father why he should let me go. As I heard Jennet speak of his intentions I felt quite overcome with emotion. I could not stand in the way of such lovestruck determination, even though it might cost me the best manservant I had ever employed.

“Very well,” I said to them, “That is all I wanted to hear. Mr Hatherwick and I give you our blessing. We shall of course pay for the wedding breakfast and will welcome you both into our household upon our return to Blindingham Hall.”

I watched for their reaction. In truth I think my generosity must have stunned them a little for they spoke not a word, just stared at me. In the end I was compelled to break the silence,

“I must pass on to you some further congratulations. From Villiers, who wished to be remembered to you.” As I said these words, Jennet’s face took on a stricken look and his eyes became wet with tears. The girl showed more spirit than she had shown throughout as she turned to Jennet and said, with steel in her voice, “Villiers? What, still?” And they gave each other an intimate look of such deep understanding I was almost tearful myself. She turned from him, the intensity of feeling obviously too much for her as she covered her mouth with her cloak and made another of those wretched noises.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” said Jennet as he led his intended away. I watched them walking away from the house, wondering whether Josiah and I had ever shown such feeling to each other in public. As they receded from view, I saw them begin to engage in that puppy-like playfighting that new lovers will. She pretended to berate him with clenched fists as he lovingly dodged her ‘blows’. I felt quite lonely to see their happiness.

It would be impolite to leave Lydiatt House before the morning, so I have another tedious evening ahead of me, with the full complement of Cornbenches for company.

I have witnessed true and unashamed love this morning and am still without a butler!

Blindingham
July 10th 1853

Oh, how I have missed this place!

My beautiful home is very nearly ready for us to occupy again – my, how utterly transformed it is! The parts destroyed during that dreadful fire have been rebuilt and refurbished so that now the Queen herself would feel at home here. Truthfully, if she were ever to tire of travelling to the Isle of Wight for sanctuary I should be careful to expect a request to come here. Josiah’s men have chosen such gorgeous wall coverings – silks and tapestries, each hand made with designs to reflect the theme of each room. I was delighted enough with the Japanese room, but was rendered speechless by the Byzantine decor in the restored banqueting rooms. I cannot wait to take up residence again – I shall have another ball and invite simply everyone to come and see how lucky I am to have such a tasteful and generous husband.

I know we have the Prudential to thank for all this – and Cook, I suppose, for without her crazed antics last year the fire would never have happened – but I admit I am overwhelmed by the amount of money Josiah has allowed for these refurbishments. I do not profess to understand every detail of the claim he made but we have ended up with a residence far more opulent than the one we had before. I shall not comment upon that to Josiah, of course, for I would not like him to think me ungrateful.

Despite my desperate wish to walk the landings as mistress of the Hall once more, I have actually had to fall upon the charity of the Cornbenches for this visit. Mrs Cornbench was more than welcoming when I wrote to her to say I was coming down for a few days. She would not hear of me staying at the Inn in the village and was kind enough to invite Josiah to come, too, but he has business to keep him in London. She is as thin and clinging as she ever was, but I can bear it in the interests of keeping my household together.

Tomorrow I am to meet Jennet and his stupid bride. I shall see at a glance whether this wedding is a necessary one and if it is not, I will do all I can to prevent it. I have no plan as yet, but I am sure that spending time at the Cornbenchs’ dinner table this evening will lead me to devious plotting!

Sydney Walk
July 6th 1853

I have spent the morning remonstrating with Josiah. He is still amused by Villiers’ obvious heartbreak and has refused flatly to apologise to him – I did not think my husband could be so cruel towards anyone in such pain, even when that person is a servant.

As if that were not vexing enough, Josiah is treating my concern about Villiers’ departure as a trifle. He seems almost excited at the prospect of employing a new servant and says it is time for us to have a housekeeper instead of a butler! No-one in London runs a household without a butler, I will become a laughing stock.

I must do what I can to stop Villiers leaving – I shall pack a small case and travel to Blindingham myself if necessary.

Sydney Walk
July 5th 1853

Boo is such a wise and dear friend to me. I sat in her parlour for an hour this afternoon, with her doe eyed baby drooling into my skirts and LB giving orders to his toy soldiers in the corner. Boo looked so calm and happy even though I know she has the pressures of business at her shoulder all the time. I twiddled Angelina’s fingers in my own as I poured out my woes to my friend.

I told her about Villiers’ outburst and described the callous merriment with which Josiah greeted the news. I have been beside myself with fear at the thought of Villiers leaving and could not for one moment understand what Josiah found so amusing. I told Boo everything that had passed between us all. She – wise owl that she is – was silent throughout my story. When I had finished she said,

“Eff – has there been any news from the country?” At first I considered the possibility that she had not heard my tale and was simply offering a pleasantry. “What on earth does that have to do with it?” I asked her – a little curtly, I confess.

“Well, have you asked Villiers why he wishes to leave? Has he received distressing news from his family perhaps?” Bless Boo, I would never have thought of his own life outside my household. I felt almost ashamed.

I thought back to that morning’s post and really could remember nothing arriving for Villiers’ attention. In fact he had not been sent any personal communication for a long time, not since Cook stopped writing to him when they had to start strapping her to the bed in that hellhole in Horsham.

I told Boo,

“No, he had had no news. In fact the only letter we have had this whole nine days was that morning. It was a note to Josiah from Jennet back in Blindingham, asking us to allow him a day off in August so he can celebrate his wedding to that stupid child who used to work for us. You remember, Mrs Everdown’s daughter – the one who could break a canteen of china just by looking at it. Josiah laughed and laughed at this thought. In fact now I think of it he made special efforts to find Villiers to tell him the news – not that he could speak for guffawing.”

Boo took a little time to think about the picture I had painted for her. Then she said,

“Jennet is to marry a girl from the village? Why? Is she with child?”

“Boo! I have not the slightest knowledge or interest in her physical state. If she is to have a child I can only weep for its blighted future. Why are you bothering to ask about her, when it is Villiers and my imminent abandonment I have come to discuss?”

Boo wandered over to me, sweeping a few of LB’s soldiers from their viewing station as she did so. He gave her a look of utter disdain and replaced his men to their positions. She took Angelina from me and rang for the wet nurse – I was grateful for this as the child’s dribbling and squeaking had become quite tiresome. After the nurse had taken the baby, Boo sat next to me, took my hand and said calmly,

“My dearest Eff, you are such a booby sometimes. Surely you can see that Jennet’s marriage is the cause of Villiers’ distress?” I could see no such thing, I assured her. “Poor old Villiers was being made fun of by Josiah and couldn’t bear it. If you wish him to stay in your employ your only hope is to beg your husband to atone for his behaviour.”

I had another cup of tea and then came home, still a little confused as to why Jennet’s nuptials should cause Villiers such pain.

And then of course I realised. My poor loyal servant must have been in love with that idiot all along!

That is why he encouraged us to give her mother a job and why he was angry when Josiah dismissed her for her incompetence. I can see it all now. Villiers loves that silly girl and cannot bear for Jennet to have her. I must see what I can do to prevent the wedding, if that will keep Villiers with us. Unless of course she is indeed in a predicament, in which case I must do all I can to force Josiah to act responsibly. As master of Blindingham he has a duty to care for the staff, past and present. I shall get straight to sorting the matter out to the satisfaction of all of us – I will not go on without Villiers and Josiah must see that I need reassurance that he will take the situation in hand.

So, Boo has proved her superiority in domestic affairs once more. She is a marvel and I am blessed in her friendship. I wish her life were mine in many ways, but I love her too dearly to wish my life were hers.

Sydney Walk
July 4th 1853

My Dearest Boo

It seems so long since I last saw you! I understand that domestic bliss is a perfectly acceptable reason for social inactivity – please do not think I blame you for our distance. But it is true that domestic upheaval can have a similar effect and I so need to ask your advice!

Villiers has given notice to leave us and Josiah is refusing to ask him to stay. I am at my wits’ end with the stubbornness of the males in my household. I simply cannot countenance life without Villiers. Please let me call upon you at your earliest convenience so that you can tell me what on earth I must do – you are so clever at knowing how to handle my husband.

Love to LB and A,

Yrs

E

Sydney Walk
July 3rd 1853

The most dreadful thing has happened. I was sitting at my desk before lunch, preparing to write my household menu instructions for the week, when Villiers came barging in without knocking or coughing. I confess I have become a little lax in not insisting that he should wait to be admitted to the room, but still I was taken aback by the manner he chose to attract my attention.

He stood in the middle of my rug, waving his hands around his head and making mewing noises a little like those Dauncey makes when he has not been allowed outside for a while. I asked Villiers whatever the matter was and it was a good minute before he could compose himself to answer.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, but I cannot stay silent any longer!”, he screeched. “It is more than a man should be asked to bear!” I reminded him gently that he was not addressing me as a man, but as my servant and told him to calm down and tell me what was causing such distress. As I watched him try to observe the correct protocol in his dealings with me, I thought of the scene I had witnessed in which he cast the Girl adrift with only her bags and her child for warmth. I have often remarked to Josiah that Villiers is something of a conundrum and this performance only served to convince me I am right.

“Ma’am” he started, a little less shrilly than before, “I have served you well for a good number of years, have I not?”

“You have, indeed, Villiers. Mr Hatherwick and I are most satisfied with your work.”

“Thank you. Might I be allowed to assume that I should command some respect as a valued servant?”

He began to whimper again slightly, so I stood up from my chair and moved towards him. His hands flapped and he leapt back as if I had brandished a sword in his face.

“Ma’am! Please do not be angry with me! (I had shown not the slightest emotion at this point, believing that Villiers was conveying emotion enough for both of us) I am a loyal servant to you – more loyal than you know if Our Lord ever gives his account – but this is too much. Too much!”

“What is too much, Villiers? I have no idea what is distressing you so,” I answered. “Please, contain yourself and give me some idea of what is going on.”

When I said that, he snorted and smirked like a dog on a short leash.

“If ma’am had even the smallest notion of What is Going On, we should all be undone!” he cried. I remained outwardly calm but in truth was growing increasingly alarmed by this behaviour. Usually, Villiers’ nervous excesses cannot be sustained for long, but he seemed set fair for a full attack. I motioned to him that he might wish to take a seat, noting to myself at the same time that I had never seen him seated in my presence. He was sensible enough, even in his heightened state, not to accept my offer.

“I think it best if I give notice to you now, Ma’am, of my intention to leave your employ at the earliest opportunity,” he said eventually. “I hold you in high regard and have enjoyed serving you – not that my personal pleasure should be a matter for your concern.”

Really, he was speaking in the most inappropriate manner. I did not think for a moment that he was serious but he carried on,

“I shall stay here until the end of this month to allow you sufficient time to seek a replacement for me. But if you have found none such by that time, I am afraid you shall have to carry on without your most loyal and hardworking manservant.”

Before I had a chance to speak, he swept from my room, without closing the door. He has taken to leaving rooms without being dismissed but that was such a minor insubordination that I had never asked Josiah to reprimand him for it. I regretted that, as I watched him turn and rush away from me before I could find out what had caused the outburst.

I find myself quite distraught at the prospect of Villiers leaving us. Quite apart from my love and respect for Josiah, I have come to regard Villiers as the most reliable and stable presence in the Hatherwick household. I must demand that Josiah does not allow him to leave. Throughout the upheaval of the fire at Blindingham, the violence shown to Papa, the loss of my precious jewellery and the incompetence – or madness – of our other servants, Villiers has always given me good advice and constant, dutiful care. Despite his twittery and high drama, I have come to regard him as my rock.

June 29th 1853
Sydney Walk

I am still shaking – though whether it is with emotion at hearing from Mama or anger at Josiah’s attitude I cannot be sure. I have not sent word to Papa yet and, despite my resolve to say nothing of recent events to Josiah, I have been such a worry-piece that he could not help but notice. My attempts at dismissing his questions failed and I was forced to tell him exactly why I have been so distracted. I love my husband dearly and do not wish to be a cause of concern to him – it is my job to rid him of thoughts that may aggrieve him, after all. So when he demanded that I tell him what my ‘obvious secret’ was, I could not deny him.

Needless to say, he was not as excited by my news as I had hoped. After listening to me for a good few minutes he began to rage and storm about the room – I became quite concerned that Villiers would knock to see what was afoot. Josiah shouted about charlatans and crooks in such an agitated manner that I had to promise I would never go to Highgate again, not on any premise. He has forbidden me to discuss that evening with anyone – especially Papa – and was unnecessarily cruel in his assertion that I had been taken for an idiot by the lady I saw.

I suppose it is possible that I may have been the victim of a terrible hoax. Josiah seems surprisingly knowledgeable on the subject of extortion and fraud and I am lucky that he wishes to protect me – but I cannot think the woman to have been so devious. After all, she spoke to Mama – I heard her do so. No, I am sure my husband is mistaken. I shall visit this lady again – but I will wait until Josiah is back supping with the Cornbenches at Blindingham before I do.

Sydney Walk
June 26th 1853

I have heard from her! I have heard from my beautiful dear Mama!

Josiah returned from Blindingham this afternoon in a black mood – something to do with cement, I think he said – and instead of sitting at his knee all night listening to stories about the Hall, I went to a spiritualist meeting. He was incensed but could not stop me in my excitement. He said it was a lot of ungodly nonsense but I did not obey his wish that I should stay in. What a terrible wife I am! I begged Villiers to hurry with arranging the carriage so that my whirlwind of cloaks, shoes and kissing Dauncey goodbye was too much for Josiah’s weary soul to overcome.

And I am glad that I defied my husband’s expressed wishes, for this evening I have received messages from my own darling mother. She whose corporeal presence left this world fifteen years ago!

I had received a note from Mrs Hayden’s representatives in England saying that she had returned to America almost immediately after the night Papa and I saw her. She had allowed for a heightened interest in her subject, though, and had authorised a number of persons here in London to carry out her work. I marvel at the capacity of so many people to speak to the dead – and how lucky we are that they should unearth such a talent just at the time so many of us should clamour for their services.

I was invited to a private meeting – ‘reading’ they called it, but there was no printed material on display (or else I should have spied an opportunity for the Press girls, I am certain). This ‘reading’ was held in an otherwise quite unremarkable house in Highgate, some way out of London. When I arrived I was shown into a curtained booth with a beautiful lamp on the table. The lamp gave off a darkened reddish glow and I sat for quite some time in solitude. I set to thinking, naturally, about whether Mama could see me and am such a silly that I even smoothed my hair in case she thought me unkempt from the journey.

After my wait, a lady entered the booth and came to sit opposite me. Heavens, but she was strange looking! She had a pale face, quite smooth for a woman who seemed to be as old as Mrs Doughty, but with dark eyes and cruelly thin lips. Her dress looked very much like the curtains she had just come through and put me in mind of something I might like to see at Blindingham but before I could think any further she grabbed my hand and addressed me,

“My child, you have suffered a loss, have you not?” she spoke in a faint voice, but one which I could clearly hear. I stayed silent.

“Have you, my dear, have you lost a loved one? I am sure that you have. I have someone here who wishes to speak to you.”

I looked around me but could see no-one else.

“Who are you wishing to contact, child? Tell me.”

I felt a little foolish but I answered her anyway,

“I should love to speak to Mama if I can,” I whispered.

“Your Mama, you say?”

“Yes.”

She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the ceiling, breathing in noisily as she did so. Then she said,

“Your Mama is here, child. She asks me to tell you she loves you,”

Oh! I set to sobbing almost straight away! Mama, to whom I had not spoken since childhood, was in the booth with me – I could not see her but I knew she was there! Oh, mama!

“Collect yourself, my dear, the spirits will not speak in the presence of such distress,” she handed me a linen kerchief and I dried my eyes as best I could. The lady waited for me to become calm and then she said,

“You have much to say to your Mama, my dear, but I cannot keep her here for long. Tell me, what is it you would like your mother to help you understand?”

I had not thought of a question, so just said the first thing that came into my mind.

“Will Josiah be prosperous, Mama? And will I ever know the love of my own child, as you knew mine for you?” I held the kerchief tight in my hands.

“I am listening…yes….she is indeed a beauty…..very well, that is what I shall tell her.” The lady was speaking but not to me – she was speaking to Mama. Soon, she lowered her face and looked at me,

“My child, your Mama is proud of you – she says you are as beautiful as she knew you would be. As for your husband , he will be all that you expect of him.”

I was immediately comforted to hear that.

“And a child?” I asked.

“Yes…..what is that you say?…..as you wish.” The lady looked directly into my watery eyes and said,

“Your Mama knows you will love any child that comes to you.”

This was not quite the promise I had hoped for but I was so happy to be in Mama’s presence that I did not feel it right to insist on any certainties.

Apparently, Mama faded quite soon after that exchange as the lady slumped alarmingly in her chair, declaring Mama had left her. No matter, I had heard from her and I was happy!

As I left the booth a maid held out a silver plate, into which I placed some coins in payment for the reading. I asked if I might be able to come back and speak again with Mama, and was assured that I could make an appointment whenever I wished. The next thing I knew, I was out in the Highgate air and climbing back into my carriage. I felt drained and fulfilled in equal measure – truly, it has been the most remarkable experience!

Josiah had retired by the time I got home, so I have not yet told him what transpired. Indeed, I may not go into detail with him until he shows himself to be a little more broad-minded on the matter. I will most definitely tell Papa, though, as soon as I can!

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

Oh Boo!

This is the shortest of notes, I want to ask when it would be convenient for me to come and visit. I am starved of your company – and of cuddles from LB and Angelina – but, really, I have a plan which requires your sober attention before I begin to put it into action!

I am free at any time. Josiah is still at the Hall making sure the workmen are not spending all day in the Inn, drinking the money we pay them. He is a hard task master, as you know, and without him I do believe not a brick would be laid from dawn to dusk.

Anyway, I absolutely must come to see you as soon as you will let me. Will you let me?

Effie x

Sydney Walk
June 19th 1853

I wonder sometimes whether widowhood might not be preferable to abandonment. Josiah has written from Blindingham to say he is still required to oversee the building work. I have not seen him for three weeks and am going stupid with loneliness! I did send word back dutifully saying that of course he must do as he sees fit and that I am sure his presence is vital to the success of the refurbishment plans, but in truth I cannot see what benefit he is to those workmen at the moment. He is a planner and a thinker whose skill lies in enterprise, not labour.

But I must not appear shrewish in my letters to him. The darling man is making our future more secure, bless him. I only worry about his comfort – he needs good food and a warm bed at night, as any man does. I do not think Mrs Cornbench a substitute for a loving wife, although I am sure she is enough for Mr Cornbench.

I shall no longer fill this journal with lamentable pining for my husband! He will be home before I know it and besides I have a new activity to occupy myself. From now on I shall devote myself to nurturing Papa’s relationship with Mrs Doughty. I have a mind to write Mrs Hayden, if she is still in the country, to see whether she might be willing to meet me in private. If she is open to the idea, I shall ask her to concentrate her powers on me and my departed – I should dearly love to know Mama’s thoughts and will do all I can to carry out her ethereal wishes.

So when Josiah does return from the Hall, and from Mrs Cornbench’s pinched ministrations, he shall find in me a much more spiritual and understanding woman. It will do me no harm to remind him what a wife he has in me!